Talk:Grand Voyage- Log 8/@comment-4080028-20150402070549
Feeling pleased with myself to be be reading Grand Voyage again after so long. Heh, you were certainly right about the first scene; I found it pretty hilarious and awesome how they used their respective abilities to play an improvisational game of baseball. XD Actually inspires me to do better about what kind of activities I could portray with my own characters during their down time; since I fear I may be getting dull and predictable these days. The scene transitions were, erm... bittersweet, to put it best. On one hand, I didn't like how it'd go from "oh no, a dangerous storm!!" to "hey, check out the boobies on her" in 0.5 seconds. It felt awkward and messy to me. Like "OK, so Knave and Art are in trouble, wonder what- ... So we're back at Harbinger Island... Okaaay." And then it just cuts back to the two fools hanging on for dear life. Made it feel unnatural to me, though I guess that may just be me and me alone who feels that way. What saves this from being a complete disaster in my book is that Sid points out a storm was coming up, which acted as good imminent foreshadowing for what was to come. That, and I can understand why he'd be sandwiched between two scenes that way. I'd have a hard time introducing him, his definitive characteristic AND tying it into an incoming storm otherwise. Like, if put anywhere else, it may not have had the same impact as it did (which was a positive one, I will add.) Thing is though, while Sid's introduction was well written, it kind of chopped up the neighboring scenes in the process. ...All coming from my own perspective. Not that I consider myself the end-all, be-all definitive authority of storytelling. lol Anyway, I genuinely liked this chapter. The humor was funny, the baseball game was fun, meeting Falstaff and son was interesting, and the danger Knave and Art are in was amusing and yet a bit troublesome at the same time, which works out well to me. I mean, it's still way early on in Grand Voyage, it's a One Piece setting, and it's KNAVE AND ART. I'm not all that scared for their survival by this point. Though I hope the Shooting Star fares well. But I think what amuses me the most is the dangling dumbass duo hanging on by their ship's railing as if they were rope or a set of chains. XD Just picturing that looked downright silly to me, and thus Wyv-bro approves. Good job as always so far, Z bro. I still have faith in you as a writer. And here's to more nautical wackiness and badassery! :D ---- Important Edit: OH! And I forgot something else. >_< I was definitely amused how you wrote certain things. Most notably, Falstaff's feeling that Sid "burgled" from the mens' magazine collection, and how he later reprimands the young man for "drooling over pictures." For some reason, that just amuses me. XD Also, I think I'm starting to sense a theme or something with how you begin each arc. =_= I didn't get the first time it showed up and you were talking about stores and such, but now it looks to me you may be adding author's notes in your own playful (yet possibly also serious) way. I wouldn't hold it past you, as I've seen Oda discuss things that hardly have anything to do with himself or One Piece when I open a new tankobon volume. So for now, I'll assume these are doodles from the recesses of your mind, in author's notes format. :D